The Art of Repetition 3/30

Jane Jeong Trenka's "mothers life wrapped itself around [her's] in an echo" (79). But she didn't have to say so for us to see how much their lives really did mimic each other. I started reading this book pausing to write down things which seemed to show up more than once. The note card I used filled up quickly. So I concluded her stories have an intentional repetition. There are many techniques which allow her to have the effect she intends, but the repetition is prime. And even though it can be a very risky technique, one which undermines the readers own capabilities, she uses it to her advantage.

Trenka's thoughts change and grow with the underlying sense of anxiety connecting her actions. She seeks desperately to find herself. The search for a diagnosis of her anxious feelings point to the hope for something beyond her control, something she can blame her anger on. The anxious feeling appears in all instances of her life. Her emotions give depth to her story. In trying to find herself she comes across many instances which help her to reflect. In doing so, she avoided the, "This happened to me, but now it's like this," style of reflection, and found a way to integrate the past with the present.

I found it easiest to focus on Trenka's technique in the two instances in which she comes across Buddhist necklaces. The subject matter is direct and connects to a wide range of pupils in her life. The first time she received a necklace was with her first boyfriend. He had bought her a necklace for christmas with a little buddha figurine, which she instantly had to hide.

"I put the Buddha in a safe place in my dresser, inside a sealed box, two layers of waterproof packing tape wrapped around it to seal in the sin" (66).

It concerned her because she thought she "would surely go to hell" for having it (65). Her concern was deep. It showed how she felt judged by god and by her parents. It showed how she felt judged for having an asian boyfriend. She needed to keep it hidden. It was a sin. Her exile was deep under her skin. In Minnesota, parents wanted their daughters to "date only real Americans." The hiding of the necklace was symbolic of the way she felt about her relationship and how she felt about being asian as a child. Hide it and forget about it.

In the second instance is after meeting her mother for the first time. Her Umma (biological mother) wants to buy her a necklace at an expensive jewelry store. Trenka tries to buy something inexpensive, but knows it would be a sign of disrespect so she picks out a Buddhist symbol. She forgets her Umma is catholic and quickly realizes the mistake she makes. They purchase a cross necklace instead and rush out, forgetting about what had just happened. This innocent act shows just how much Trenka wanted to fit in somewhere. Mistakes were colossal to her. Her Umma forgave her quickly, but she is embarrassed. She doesn't want to mess up the relationship with her Umma!

In trying to figure out why these scenes were chosen, I thought about memory. Trenka's style of writing made me reflect on its purpose (memories) and why we remember the things we do the way we do. Her memories in this piece intertwine. For me, a memory is a reflection of my emotions memory. My body's way of telling its story. Jane seems to be connecting her memories to her feelings. They made her who she is. The memories created a way for her to feel like she had been connected to her mother all along. In the end, the grounded her.