Loneliness: the deceiver

Side note: I've never blogged before and I'm just winging it here. I hear there is no "real" right way…

Her loneliness sounds more like a lack of self confidence. But loneliness, I suppose, can come along with low self esteem. The subject of loneliness reaches so many people. It is a term used for being not only alone, but sad too. The author is expressing a feeling in which many have encountered and can relate to in their own way. You can read about her experience and than be reminded of your own.

How is it when you are alone, everything in life becomes dramatic, and extremely detailed? Loneliness, when you have it, is all consuming. Her focus becomes mental and physical. She is lonely everywhere. Lonely when surrounded by people, lonely when alone, lonely when having sex. She claims loneliness as its own being. It is an it. It sits in the room beside her. It seems unavoidable.

There are two points she brings up which are worthy of quoting (for my purposes). One, "You’re both grateful for each other’s bodies, their generous play and happy willingness to act as if sex were a cure for the lonely." I feel like what this is saying is so true, people try to fill their void's with actions. People will go to great lengths to not be lonely. So many people suffer the loneliness cure. (I could really go on forever.)

And two, "The Loneliness of the Unused Parts of ourselves: The easiest to deny and to endure, and the one you’re least likely to know might taint every relationship you have." This sums up why I feel the author is undergoing low self worth. Her words tell me she is surrendering to her worthlessness and believing it. Yet she is aware.

When I read this I want to shake the author and tell her it's not reality, take a stand! It takes the right words to touch the right emotions to evoke such passion. Is this a lesson? Or a don't do what I did? Either way, her self destructive outlook on loneliness has shown me another outlook on the downfall of females all over. A suffering which becomes, deeply and sadly, internal.

I wrote my own:

Loneliness. A feeling you get when alone and unhappy. In life, loneliness takes many forms. It finds you deep in thought. It creeps inside your mind and latches on. The hardships of trying to satisfy yourself stretch beyond your reach.

You can sit and analyze all the ways you are alone. You can try and fill your void with beings and a stimulating exchange of words, but than you have this greater feeling in which you cannot reach easily, alone. So you are alone. Again.

But, were you really less lonely with someone there? You long for their interest, their gaze. You are willing to do anything so they'll stay a little longer. You swivel the knobs so the pinball can hit your nerves a few more times.

Listening, thinking, responding. Did you listen? Did you completely give into this person? Or did you wait for them to finish so you could release the words curling off your tongue.

You might even let someone have their way with you, so you can hold onto the moment for a bit longer. After all some believe "Sex... [is] a cure for loneliness." But the whole time your mind is not present. Not even a little.

Happiness. Loneliness. Forgiveness. Ness. You are a noun created from an adjective. A word tweaked to name the hole inside you. A hole you always try to fill.

But, loneliness was never about you, it was about them, the whole time.