Fear through Dungy's lens

Reading Dungy’s Tales from a black girl on fire, or why I hate to walk outside and see things burning seems timely for me because I’ve been thinking a lot about fear recently. Or, maybe, experiencing a lot of fear is a truer way to express my experience. Where does fear come from, and what purpose does it serve? In the author’s case, being of African American decent, fear comes from knowledge of past violence against her race. She also speaks of being taught “the rules” which dictated that she be afraid of fire. In both cases fear serves as a protection device, one that warns her of potential danger. I can see the sense behind her thoughts on the origins of fear, but can’t help myself when I take a step back and try and see a bigger picture. The way fear feels, to me, it is a natural instinct. One placed there before I ever learned about past atrocities, or “the rules”.

Fear can have so much power over us that it controls our perception of things. Dungy points to this when she shares her experience of traveling through the woods and not recognizing the “gnarled and blackened trees” p 29. The author’s description of fear influencing her actions, (“How dare the past keep me huddled up inside” p 29.) reminds me of my frustration with allowing fear to run my life. Too many times have I let fear limit “the scope of my experience” p.30. Like the author, I am often “forced back by fear” because of the “assurance of approaching danger” p. 28. Also like the author, I’ve come to realize the mere knowledge of the origins of my fears does not help in reducing my stress. I find myself asking how do I unlearn something that feels built in to me? How do I tap into another mechanism that must exist to counteract the overuse of fear?  I find it interesting that Dungy does not ask these questions.

The only tactic Dungy employs to overcome fear is to ignore it. She is invited to a bonfire, an event that she knows will conjure up images of burning bodies, and memories of lessons taught on the dangers of fire. After having these images and knowledge beaten into her over a lifetime, it really is no wonder why she is afraid, but why wasn’t there more mention of an exploration of methods to overcome fear? If this fear was so specifically learned, can’t she unlearn it? Why isn’t she asking this?

I find the shift from 1^st person to 2^nd person on page 31 very interesting. It gives the feeling that these are things that have been said to her in her life. I am attracted and opposed at the same time to this paragraph. I’m intrigued by her comparison of humans and plants: “When you live in this country you have to know the rules. Yucca, ice plant, chaparral pea, bigcone Douglasfir: even the plants here make provisions for hard times.” p.31. Human’s provision making include the following of rules; in the authors case she had been taught to not play with fire. Having never been a plant, I can’t speak to how they come to a decision on how to survive. But, it seems decidedly different from following rules placed on them by other plants. Whereas plants following these provisions lead to their survival, I believe humans following rules often leads to their defeat. I’d argue with Dungy, or whoever taught her the rules of fire, that there is a huge difference between nature’s rules, and human’s rules. Setting fire, being curious about that insect even with the knowledge of potential spark, abides by natures rules. The squandering of curiosity because of potential danger does not.

Bringing all of this back to the narration, I can point to the human’s use of fire to burn other humans as a human creation. Flames are not to be feared unless a human is behind the making of them. Flames as created by nature, or inspired by impulse in a human spirit to explore, I cannot see fear in. Not essentially, not even with all the evidence of destruction, not even with the knowledge that I have families that live in those areas that are prone to fire. For my life to be taken by nature would be a blessing. For my belongings to be demolished in a few short moments because of nature would lift a burden I was unaware of; the burden of clinging to material possessions.

I think Dungy knows that humans are what intensify her fear in the presence of fire. Through her use of the word “conflation” I am led to believe that she knows she is confusing the intention of fire (and natures part in it), and the intention of humans. She even personifies nature when she says “history and experience had linked my fear of violence against the body to those bonfires, the trees and the woods that permitted them, and the people who allowed them to blaze.” p.31. This placement of a human trait onto nature is another reason I believe Dungy actually fears the people aspect of the whole situation more.

But, maybe I’m projecting. Through all this I realize I hold the belief that humans are not in touch with nature, with their origins and purposes. I’m not convinced that everything they do has as noble a purpose as everything nature does. It is for this reason I fear humans and their blind adherence to rules made by other humans more than anything nature may decide to do to me.